What is forgeviness?

Here are some definition of forgiveness:

1. The act of forgiving or the state of being forgiven 

2. To excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon. 

3. To renounce anger or resentment again.

4. Disposition or willingness to forgive.

Forgiveness sometimes takes years to be able to do. Maybe even a lifetime. There are times when we just can't forgive. When I started on my journey and asked for and received guidance and support one of the first things I learned is that I had to forgive myself.  This was really difficult. Forgive myself? How could I do that when I didn't like myself very much? When I didn't love myself?

When my comfort level was wallowing in the if I only got out when the kids were real little? What took me so long? I'm a bad mother.  It was so much easier beating myself up then it was in loving and forgiving my self. I didn't know how to love and forgive myself.  I was comfortable wallowing. I was still the victim and had a victim mentality. When we are a victim things happen to us that we have no control over. We can get bogged down in the why me? why did I deserve this? damn the world owes me, nothing this horrible has ever happened to anyone. We wallow in the anger, hostility, negativity but when we are a survivor things happen to us and we make the choice to rise above it. Does this mean we don't get angry? no. Does this mean we don't ask why me? no Does this mean we don't feel the negativity sometimes? no. Being a survivor means that while we may still feel these things at times we make the conscience choice to not stay there. Is this an easy task no it isn't. Is it worth the trip to learn to be a survivor yes, yes, yes.

I believe that we can't forgive if we don't choose to be a survivor. Part of the problem is that when bad things happen to people society as a whole labels them a victim. Victim is a derogatory word, it is a negative word. What happens is that people are victimized but once they are they have survived the victimization. We make the choice to stay a victim. Do I think this means if someone is raped the next day they just need to pull themselves up from their bootstraps and just get over it, NO.

Healing is a process and sometimes we have to wallow in the victimization in order to work through it. There is no magic bullet that helps us when a victimization happens. If were fortunate we have people in our lives who can help us through the process. This can come from a range of people from, doctors, police officers, social workers, parents, sons, daughters, brothers,sisters, aunts, uncles, husbands, wife's and many more. It is having these people in our lives that help us to learn to get past the victimization and be a survivor. Through this process I learned to forgive. If I didn't learn to forgive I believe I would still be the victim, I wouldn't be in my life where I am.

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