Searching has yielded results

I am originally from Connecticut then lived in North Carolina and finally ended up in Kansas. Living in Kansas has afforded me the safety of my memories in a way where I could write my life story. I have suffered from  depression, obsessive compulsive and panic disorder for many years. Most were brought on by the traumas I survived in childhood. One, panic disorder was something that God gave to me in order that I didn't remember the big trauma I suffered until I was emotionally and mentally ready. While I suffered greatly due to the panic attacks I will always remain thankful to God for providing these. If I had my memories too soon, I would not be the healthy, happy, productive person that I am. I have been told that I might have spent my life inside a mental institution. So panic attacks or a lifetime in mental institutions I'll take the panic attacks any day.



I will also always be thankful to the Doctor's who not only diagnosed these disorders but led me to the therapists who treated them and the medications that keeps them at bay. I had several therapists who have helped me but two stand out. One, named Joan and one, named Allan. Joan was the first  therapist who knew what my "big" trauma was but didn't interject her values, belief or knowledge of this onto me. She did research and located another person who survived what I had without ever telling me what she suspected. When I had my first memory and shared it with her she said, "I've been waiting for you to tell me that". I said, "how did you know". She said, "the imagery that you have been using for months." I said to her, "why didn't you tell me?" She said, "because it wasn't my place". She let my memories be just that, my memories. Allan was the first therapist who brought spirituality into our therapy sessions. He didn't just do this he told me that he understood that I had a strong belief in God and asked if I thought it would be helpful if he brought spirituality into our sessions. I accepted. Allan was also the first male therapist I had which, was very important to my ability in the future to trust men in general.

Now that my book is almost complete I decided to try to locate Joan and Allan. This morning I received an email back from Allan confirming that yes, he did work with me at the Guilford Family and Life Center. This was great news to me because he was one of the people who told me that at some point I needed to write my story. I have asked him if he would read the book and consider doing the forward. Now I just need to locate Joan. I have asked Allan if he has a way to contact her. These two people have played a large part of my leading a redemptive life.

I hope my readers will share with me people who in their lives journey helped them and who led them to lead a better life, even a redemptive one. Or people who taught them about forgiveness and how important it is in order to heal wounds. I would also like to hear from people who want to share the people in their lives who didn't help and who actually complicated wounds. Or people they just can't forgive at this time. Maybe this blog will help with that. This should be a forum to express whatever you need. I will be greatly honored to share my thoughts on what you have to say. Please ask me questions I will be glad to answer them. The only question I won't answer at this time is what the "big" trauma is. I think it is important for the readers to get to know me before I bring that up. Trust is very important and I'd like to build that with my readers.

Have a great day, Rosie