How does someone gain your trust?

Good morning I was thinking about my post last night and decided I needed to talk about how someone goes about gaining our trust after trauma. I can only speak of my experience but will do some research and add a video that covers the topic as well. I think the videos are a good reinforcer to learning. I am also going to start interviewing people and posting the interviews on this blog. This may take me a couple of weeks or months. I want people to read this blog and feel that they are learning something and are getting support as well.  If I'm not accomplishing that then I would love to hear feedback and I promise I will take the concern(s) seriously. Of course if there is a topic that you would like me to tackle I will be glad to, as long as it has something to do with surviving or being victimized by trauma.

 When I was 15 Ruth was convinced that I was purposely doing things to her. She took me to a therapist. When she shared with the therapist what I was doing as a 15 year old, the therapist told Ruth she felt that what she was describing was normal behavior of a 15 year old. This got Ruth furious and she got up and stormed out of the office.  Here was this woman I had never met before telling me I was normal. That I wasn't trying to do things to piss my mother off. I had been hearing for at least 4 years that  I did nothing but things to piss Ruth off and hurt her. I made the decision that I was going to keep seeing this person.


What did she do to make me trust her? She listened, then she told me that anything I shared in our sessions would not be shared with Ruth. She told me that she would earn my trust. When I got home later that afternoon Ruth told me I couldn't go back to her ever. She said that she felt she would fill my head with stuff that wasn't true. She told me that if she found out I was seeing this person I would be punished.

I had been working after school near the therapists office and I decided I was going to continue seeing her. As I got to know her she showed me that I could trust her. How? She listened to me, never told Ruth anything, provided me empathy, asked me how I was doing, and offered me solutions. She seemed to really have my best interests at heart. She told me that Ruth had been calling the office because she suspected I was seeing her. She told Ruth she wasn't at liberty to tell her who her patient's were. She made me feel safe and cared for.

By the time I was 15 I was discussing things that went on inside my house with friends at school and in the neighborhood. This did get Ruth upset because she said something to the effect that I was making her look horrible. The therapist was the only person that I was sharing a lot of detail with. She was very helpful especially educating me that people had to earn trust. That people who you can trust have your best interest at heart. That being honest was a way to earn trust, that keeping confidence was important and that trust is earned over time.

Lessons I would have to learn over and over again throughout my life. Have a blessed day, Rosie