Some thoughts on those who helped me throughout my life

As readers read through my blog they will see that I share my gratitude for those people who have helped me in my life. When I was very young Ruth belonged to the Old Stone Church in East Haven, Connecticut. I remember being really small and attending preschool and church school.  There were people there who I remember warmly and fondly. When I became school age I had a lot of support from teachers through out my elementary school experience. My aunts started taking me some of the summer. I hardly remember summers in East Haven, CT where I grew up until I was over 10 years old. This could be because of traumatic amnesia, splitting or programing. When I was 8 or 9 years old I started making friends in the neighborhood. These friendships allotted me the opportunity to not have to be home until I heard the alarm go off from the fire department at 5 pm.


I hated going home for almost all of my childhood. The only times I really didn't mind going home is when I knew Ruth wasn't going to be home or when the family went on vacation. After the age of 11 years old I never went with them on vacation. I was too frightened that Ruth would kill me out of state and dump my body. I figured if I got killed I would rather get killed where I was known and it would be noticed I was gone. I hypothesized that if she killed me and dumped me out of state she could claim I was with family out of state. Ruth hated I refused to go and I am lucky she allowed me to refuse to go. I usually stayed with my aunts or at friends houses. Now I went with my friends on their family vacations. One family in particular was very good to me. They provided support to me from the time I was 8 years old until I went to high school. When I hit high school the friendship waned because we went to different schools. She knew some of my abuse at home. I am not sure if she knew of the RA.  I shared everything I was going through with her and that must have been a big burden for her to carry. Outside of the RA I had a lot of other trauma going on.

I had some really good friends in high school. I communicate with some of them today. I haven't divulged my RA to them. I think that needs to happen in person and I haven't been to Connecticut in a long time and some of us just started talking before our 30 year high school reunion. I will have to divulge especially since I want to get my memoir published. There were teachers in high school that were very supportive to me. When in high school I continued to go to therapy at the East Haven Human Services Department. Lori Michaels was my therapist from  the time I was 15 until I was 17. She tried to get me to leave home when I was 16. She shared her concern for my safety and I just couldn't do it. I really appreciated her though. She was a life saver to me on many occasions. After high school I had left home and even though I had several good friends that I saw often I had the most intense loneliness imaginable. I felt very isolated and alone. I had my father, step-mom and step siblings and spent almost every holiday with them. I belonged to the Orange Congregational Church and I was a youth group leader and still the intense loneliness. I had really good people at my jobs some took me under their wing.

After I married and the marriage being abusive I became even more isolated and only was in touch with a couple of friends from high school. There were people throughout the marriage that were very helpful. This included my ex-'s family. I had tried leaving him three times before I was able to make the complete break. During those time I had help from Legal Aid in New Haven, Ct. they helped me a lot. When I finally got help for my agoraphobia, panic and anxiety those doctor's were the biggest catalysts for my living the life I do. I received help from Domestic Violence Services, The Women and Family Life Center in Guilford Ct and Guilford Family and Life Center who provided me therapy for almost eight years. When I went to college the professors helped me to find my voice. Finding my voice was very important and led to my vocation. Without all of these people I would still be that scared little girl afraid of the world. I might have killed myself, I might be in a mental institution, jail who knows. I took the time about five years ago to send every single person who helped me a hand written card telling them how important they were in my life. I thanked each and every one. I need to continue to do this throughout my life. I am going to need them once everything goes public because they will come to my defense from the critics. Take care and I'll write tomorrow, Rosie