Meeting new people

I never purposely tried to meet someone else that has survived RA. I met one person where I live that has a diagnosis of severe mental illness because of being involved in a RA cult. When we met and started talking we couldn't believe how much our stories were alike as far as the actual ceremonies. We both have cult signs that were put on our bodies she says hers was branded on and visible. She got tattoos to cover hers. Mine were carved into my skin and visible when you pull the skin back. I am considering getting tattoos to cover mine. We grew up in different parts of the country me in New England and her in the south. She traveled across the country as a migrant worker with leaders of the cult she was born into. I shared with her how lucky I felt that at least I was able to grow up in one town and one area. It is hard enough going through all of the trauma and abuse but having to move to a new area all of the time must have been hard. Her RA led her to be a drug user and she was in and out of jail at times. I have asked her if she was thinking about writing her story and she said, "No I doesn't want to traumatize my children because they are not aware." I told her I understood wanting to protect your children.

Since starting this blog and finishing my memoir I have been doing research in the field of RA. I had never done that before. Back in 1999 I read a book on surviving RA by Daniel Ryder and it was very powerful. It was the first time that I had to acknowledge the impact the RA had on my development as a human being. I made a conscience decision not to delve into researching this topic. At first it was because I didn't want to acknowledge that I survived this. Then it was my fear overwhelming fear that somehow the people who were involved with the cult would find out. I felt as long as I kept a low profile and just went about my life it would make me safer. I don't know how true this is but it is what I believed. I had to think about my children. I didn't need to be doing anything that would put them at risk. I have also moved across the country and since I moved from Connecticut almost 14 years ago my anxiety, panic and P.T.S.D. have decreased dramatically. Since moving where I live now I haven't had a panic attack in over four years. I believe for me moving from where I was born and raised has helped me to heal.  I still go back and visit because I have family and friends who still live there. When I visit I can't stay in Connecticut for long. When I have visited there are times I left before I was scheduled to. Once I am there about five days I start getting antsy to leave. I have often thought about where I would be if I continued to live in Connecticut in relation to my healing process. I appreciate Gods guidance in encouraging me to move from Connecticut.


Reading up about RA and the level of support that is out there has been really enlightening. I have reached out and written to a couple of people.I have to say that everyone I have been corresponding or talking to has been very nice. I need to learn to navigate living as someone who no longer hides and I am glad to know that there are people out there who are willing to help me. There is great comfort in that. I am very proud of myself as well because I have grown so much in the process of writing my memoir. I am proud that I am willing to ask for help. Asking for help is new to me and will help me to not live so much inside of myself. I don't fear having flashbacks or hearing others memories. Part of that is from meeting the person here where I live. We have talked several times and hearing her memories didn't trigger any in me. I did experience P.T.S.D. but I am used to that. I know I can handle that. I also didn't take on any of her memories as mine. I want to say thank you for those who are helping navigate this new part of my life. Sincerely, Rosie