Margaret R.

There was one friend of mine that chose to believe I was mentally ill rather than to believe that the RA was real.  Her name is Margaret R., and 20 years ago she went by the name of Peggy. She felt my RA was a manifestation that was implanted in my mind by my therapist. She was the only person of the group of people I shared my survivor story with 20 years ago that felt this way. Why? because she had a daughter Avery who also was having memories of RA. When she first told me that she felt it was all in my head I decided to try to prove to her it wasn't. This is partly why I made some of the bad decisions I made about locating places where the RA occurred. I spent hours and hours with her explaining that; I had never been hypnotized, never had regressive therapy, never had recovered memory therapy and had never been told by my therapist because I was displaying certain behaviors that I had survived RA.

Her daughter Avery's therapist had told her that due to her displaying certain symptoms, meant that she survived childhood sexual abuse. From what I remember this went on for a couple of years until Avery came to the conclusion that she had survived RA. At first Peggy was completely supportive of my surviving RA until about a year into my recovery when Avery had her first memories of RA. At first Peggy would ask me to share with her my memories. My memories and Avery's were nothing a like. Peggy asked me if she could write my memories down and I told her, "Yes." She would share my memories with her family as a way to prove that Avery's memories were not consistent with surviving RA. One of the biggest difference's in Avery and I was that I was progressing in my life. I was attending college, raising my children, doing volunteer work, had an active social life and was to the point of going to therapy every other week. My focus wasn't on trying to punish the people involved in the cult. I honestly was afraid of them and there was no way I was going to spill the beans on who I knew was involved. I just wanted to recover and move forward with my life. My fear of these people would continue until 2011 when I finally decided that I needed to tell my story.

Avery's life was different she was barely able to work 20 hours a week as a Usher in a movie theater. She refused to get a full time job because she said she couldn't handle working the hours she was. She dropped out of college, had no friends, was very isolated, chose to not talk to most members of her family unless they stopped talking to her abuser. While she was mad at family members she expected them to foot her bills for rent and therapy. She was in therapy a couple of times a week. Avery had been hypnotized, had regressive and recovered memory therapy. It seemed that Avery's main focus was on getting everyone mad at the people she was accusing of causing her RA. When Peggy became one of those people is when Peggy decided I was very mentally ill. I explained to Peggy that I was terrified of the people I knew who were in the cult and I had no intention on trying to punish them. I was to afraid of them and and too afraid for the safety of myself and my children. I did recommend to my closest friend to stop going to certain professionals because of their involvement, but I had no intention of trying to get these people in trouble.  I, still at this point don't want to get these people in trouble. I don't share their names in my memoir. I just want people to be able to understand that RA is real and does happen to some people.

I didn't believe for one minute that Peggy was involved in committing RA. I did believe that Avery's therapist had an agenda and by using the therapy techniques he did was causing harm to Avery. I felt that the fact that Avery wasn't moving forward in her life and was seeming to be going backwards was another reason for me to believe that Avery didn't survive RA. For me at first it was terribly overwhelming to "officially" remember the RA. I had memories of it all of my life. I was aware of it's existence, but not to the degree I was involved. I had started having flashbacks after I moved out of Ruth's house. I didn't know what flashback's were. I wouldn't have them from the time I married the children's father until we were in the process of getting divorced. Even when I had the memories of the programming; if you remember we will kill you, if you remember we will know and if you remember you will die. Peggy still chose to believe I was very mentally ill. Avery up til that point had never had memories of this programming. When I would try to explain to Peggy that this was why I agreed with her. She was so brainwashed from the False Memory Foundation. She was fully indoctrinated into it that she couldn't see the reality that some people honestly survive RA.

The False Memory Foundation has been the biggest reason why RA survivors are not believed by the main stream media, and society as a whole. I have been doing research into this and will discuss the False Memory Foundation in future posts. I will be sharing how this foundation came about and why it has done so much damage to survivors. I am thankful that only one person bought into their bullsh##. I can understand Peggy's becoming involved with them. She was being accused of something horrible. They were helping her make sense of what was going on. What I can't understand is their continued prophesying that RA doesn't exist, that dissociation of child sexual abuse victims isn't real, and that dissociation isn't real. I have learned they have an agenda and keep that agenda going. I am going to enjoy discussing this. They are going to have to have their big girl panties on to take me on. I have never been so free as I am now. Not being afraid of those involved in the cult means I'm not afraid of much at this point. I would love them to take my story on. I doubt they will because it will have to make them think differently and change their agenda. I wonder how they think that children are able to survive horrible abuse if they are not able to dissociate. I'm sure I'll find out the more research I do. Blessings, Rosie