I honestly believe that for every bad thing we can find something good. Sometimes it is extremely hard to do but, it is doable. Both my sister and I have said that when it came to being mother's we did exactly the opposite of what Ruth did. I guess the reality is that we had the opportunity to be different mother's and we took it. I find myself having a lot of empathy for Ruth the older I get. Writing the memoir has released a part of me. I am definitely freer then I was before I wrote it. I still have hard work ahead of me getting it edited and published but having it written down allows me to focus my energy differently. I noticed lately that I am enjoying having memories of good times with her because there were good times.
I am able to distinguish between times when the good alter was out and when the bad alter was out. The good alter was kind, funny, patient, and sweet. This alter was very sincere and taught me many things. She taught me to smile at the elderly because it can be the only smile they get all day. She taught me that it isn't the amount of money that you spend on a gift. It is that you make sure it is a gift that the person will like. She spent time explaining how to figure out what a person will like. I find myself still doing this as I am going shopping for Christmas. I noticed today that my son takes great pleasure in making sure that he buys his friends gifts they will like. This is a gift that Ruth gave me that I have passed on to my children. I have to remember to focus on the goodness as well as the bad. Yes, I have survived one of the most horrific things a child can survive. I have periods of time where this overwhelms me and I still get upset, but there is always something good. My memories right now are focusing on the something good and I need to just sit back and enjoy it. Blessings, Rosie
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