PTSD

Good evening I thought I would talk about P.T.S.D and it's relation to trauma. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a very common disorder that happens when people experience trauma. This can be from any form of trauma; a bad car accident, loss of a job, witnessing a shooting, witnessing a parent getting beat up, a close person to you dying, being raped, witnessing war, and other traumas. This is a diagnosis that both my children and I have. I probably have had this since I was about 3 years old. As far back as I can remember I have experienced symptoms of P.T.S.D.; hyper-vigilance, startling easy, inability to concentrate, mood swings, flashbacks of the trauma experienced, nightmares of the trauma, nightmares that were really frightening, feeling hopeless, agitation, not being able to remember the trauma, avoiding places the trauma occurred and not sleeping. The name for not being able to remember the trauma is called trauma induced amnesia.

I feel very fortunate to have experienced trauma induced amnesia as it has allowed the amount of my memories to be decreased enormously. I still experience trauma induced amnesia as a 50 year old woman. The problem with P.T.S.D. is that you still experience the effects of the trauma even though you don't remember it. This can lead to panic and anxiety attacks. Which I have been diagnosed with as well. I tried to get these "attacks" treated from the time I was 19 years old and I wouldn't get the official diagnosis until I was 29 years old. I still get exasperated at my medical doctors at the time because they let me suffer needlessly. Writing this makes me think I have some forgiveness to be doing about this. I always learn something new every day. When I was growing up the amount of knowledge on P.T.S.D. on children or adults for that matter was limited. People were put into mental institutions with it. It has been wonderful the amount of progress that has been made and the lives that have been changed by this progress.

My experience with P.T.S.D is that even though I have gone through years of therapy and been on medications to help keep the side effects of the P.T.S.D. at bay, I still experience it. I didn't know what it was until after I got out of the domestic violent marriage. Which leads to why my children both have P.T.S.D. I can go for long periods of time when I don't experience any effects of P.T.S.D. which is wonderful. It was extremely difficult when I suffered all of the time. When I first started getting treatment I was told there wasn't a time when I wasn't experiencing P.T.S.D. I had to learn to relax I actually had homework to do each week after therapy. The therapy was Beck's Cognitive Therapy that I received through Yale New Haven Hospital. I was able to go because my "attacks" were so bad I wouldn't leave the house and my husband decided after being in the house for 8 months I needed to get help. I luckily had an aunt Gerri who found a double blind study at Yale and I received all of my therapy for free. I remain in constant awe of her impact on my life. When I get my book published she is going to be one of the people the book is dedicated to.

My first homework was to take a bath for 5 minutes every night until the next therapy session. Each week for six weeks I had to increase my nightly bath by 5 minutes. When I got to the point that I could listen to a whole side of Joni Mitchel's Blue album I was feeling great. It was weird at first that I wasn't feeling uncomfortable. My level of discomfort had been with me for 29 years at that point. As hard as it was to live with it was also weird to live without it. When you have panic attacks you have a safe person or place that helps reduce your attacks. My safe person was my ex so it was a double edge sword. I knew in order to get out of the marriage that I had to change this. Going to Yale for those 8 weeks were very important to my having the life I now have. Without taking those steps to get the P.T.S.D., anxiety and panic under control I would never be where I am. My P.T.S.D. treatment led to my living a wonderful redemptive life. Take care, Rosie