Interconnectedness

Hello everyone I went today to get my hair cut and ended up having a wonderful conversation with the person who cut my hair. It always amazes me how many people have suffered traumas. A couple of the most common are physical, emotional and sexual abuse. When I was growing up this was not a topic that was discussed in society. I am sure it was occurring as I experienced it but, society wasn't comfortable discussing it. There were no protocols in schools the most common place that children should have gotten help. I have been a firm believer all of my adult life that if we don't know our history that we are doomed to repeat it.  This wonderful person shared some issues that family members had suffered at the hands of another family member. I was very glad that she was comfortable to talk about this. She and I had a long conversation about the reality that unless someone else knows a person's history they shouldn't judge. Actually judging shouldn't occur but we all do it at times. I don't know the data and will do research on the following topic how many people are sitting in jails because of trauma they suffered? And what are the jails doing to help inmates to deal with these traumas?

I found the follow statistics on the web site; http://www.prevent-abuse-now.com

Child Abuse & Child Sexual Abuse ~ Substantiated

     Composition of substantiated child abuse in 2000:
  879,000 children were victims of child maltreatment.
  Neglect ~ 63%
  Physical ~ 19%
  Sexual ~ 10%
  Psychological ~ 8%

Victimization rates declined as age increased.
Rate of victimization per 1,000 children of the same age group:
  Birth to 3 years old = 15.7 victims per 1,000.
  Ages 16 and 17 = 5.7 victims per 1,000.

Except for victims of sexual abuse, rates
were similar for male and female victimization:
  11.2 and 12.8 per 1,000 children respectively.
Rate of sexual abuse by gender:
  1.7 victims per 1,000 female children
  0.4 victims per 1,000 male children.

Rate of child abuse by race:
  White = 51%
  African American = 25%
  Hispanic = 15%
  American Indian/Alaska Natives = 2%
  Asian/Pacific Islanders = 1%

The comparative annual rate of child victims:
  decreased steadily from 15.3 victims per 1,000 children in 1993
  to 11.8 victims per 1,000 children in 1999;
  then increased to 12.2 per 1,000 children in 2000.
Whether this is a trend cannot be determined until additional data are collected.

These statistics are breathtaking when you take in what they mean. It seems that victimization for children goes down the older they are. I don't necessarily by that because when a parent, caregiver etc. are abusing a child they just don't stop unless something was added to the equation i.e. a divorce. My children survived domestic violence. I had worked to get out of it for 10 years and was finally able to in 1992. My children were 5 and 8 when I got my ##it together enough to get away from this situation. I also made the decision that I wasn't going to allow anyone in my children's life that had a history of abuse. That meant never again was I having them around Ruth. I had to go to parent therapy because I didn't know how to parent my children in an environment without trauma. I did my best to get my children the help they needed to  recover from the trauma they survived. While there was no abuse directly to my children from their father or I, the fact that they were witnessing the victimization of me was abuse.

No child should ever have to go through that. It breaks my heart as their mother to know that they will suffer the scars from their childhood because I couldn't get them out of the violence sooner. I know that I did get them out and that is all fine and dandy but the longer a child is exposed the more trauma they suffer. I worked with the court system to insure that when my children saw their father their was supervision. I was going to be damned to work so hard to get them out of the violence to have their father continue his behavior and harm them more. That is one of the things that is wrong with our society. People, both men and women work hard to get their children out of violence and the court systems says oh! well! that is their parent they have a right to see their child. Then the court puts the children in the same situation the parent worked hard to get them out of. Children that are raised all their lives in domestic violence are exposed to trauma throughout their childhood.
According to the  website:  http://www.childwelfare.gov.

             Research also indicates children exposed to domestic violence are at an increased risk of              being abused or neglected. A majority of studies reveal there are adult and child
             victims in 30 to 60 percent of families experiencing domestic violence (Appel and Holden,
            1998; Edleson, 1999; Jaffe and Wolfe, 1990).

These rates are why it is important to know our families history so we don't repeat it. Children are the most vulnerable members in our society and need to be protected. While I wasn't afforded this same thing I will always be grateful that I was able to get the courage to get out of domestic violence and change my life. Changing my life has led to a better quality of life for my children and now for my grandchildren. A life of redemption is a continuum  and striving to live a redemptive life is something I am going to do until the day I die.

Have a blessed evening, Rosie