Let's end stranger danger and start focusing in on real child predators

This is a good article that discusses the importance of parents/guardians of talking to children about child sexual abuse. The author recommends parents should have a life long discussion on the importance of communication with your child. She feels that as parents we need to call children's body parts by their real name. She feels that breaks down the stigma of not talking about "sex" and keeps the lines of communication open. Children need to be believed if they share that someone touched them in an inappropriate way. Unfortunately there are times that children are not believed which compounds the abuse that they have suffered. We need to cut out training on stranger danger. This seems useless at this point since:

The vast majority of offenders are adults known to a child -- a parent, relative, neighbor, teacher, coach, priest, physician -- someone in a position of power and trust who abuses both.

There are generally people in positions of power over children. They are usually well liked and active members in their community. They purposely put themselves in a position to have access to children.  They also tend to be more comfortable being around children then adults. They are also very good predators:

Parents also need to know that susceptible children tend to be those who are compliant and obedient. They may come from unhappy or broken homes and may be eager for attention and affection.

It is disgusting in my opinion how these child predators are able to know the children who will be able to be sexually abused. Preying on these children's vulnerabilities is monstrous. That is why we have to safeguard children. Parent's are preyed on as well. Child sexual predators have to groom all of those around a child. This means that they will go out of their way to convince people how nice, generous, kind, well-meaning,and helpful they are. They may offer to help provide rides to and from sporting games, school activities, etc. They tend to prey on single parent households which means they will study the family system and find weaknesses and prey on them. For instance if a family is struggling they might purchase food, or cook a meal or offer gas money. While this comes off as generous and kind the real reason they are doing what they are is diabolical and devious. And in my opinion PURE EVIL. 

I am learning that educating on child sexual predators grooming techniques is one of the main ways to help protect children. This does require time and commitment from families, but I think in the long run it is imperative to be done. Rosie

Tell toddlers what's private about their bodies

By Cindy Cristian, Special to CNN

updated 9:41 AM EDT, Wed June 20, 2012

Editor's note: Cindy W. Cristian, M.D. is the chairwoman of Child Abuse and Neglect Prevention at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and a professor of pediatrics at the Perelman School of Medicine at The University of Pennsylvania

(CNN) -- Little of the reported testimony from the Jerry Sandusky trial surprises me. I have heard these stories thousands of times over the past 25 years.

As a child abuse pediatrician, I know how predators lure susceptible children with special gifts or outings, how they coerce and manipulate their victims to comply with their advances, how they ensure secrecy with bribery or threats. I've met thousands of parents whose children were victims of sexual abuse over these years, many of whom were unaware of the crimes being committed against their children, and most of whom were devastated by the knowledge of the abuse.

I've learned lessons along the way, and want to share some weapons that parents can use in the fight against sexual abuse.

Cindy Cristian

The first is knowledge. Not the knowledge that child sexual abuse exists -- most parents understand that -- but that child maltreatment is a public health problem that affects millions of children annually, and can have lifelong health consequences for victims.

The predators parents have to fear are not nameless stalkers on the Internet, but the friends and relatives who live at home or in the neighborhood. The vast majority of offenders are adults known to a child -- a parent, relative, neighbor, teacher, coach, priest, physician -- someone in a position of power and trust who abuses both. The abuse may or may not involve contact with the child's genitals, and may escalate over months or years.

Parents also need to know that susceptible children tend to be those who are compliant and obedient. They may come from unhappy or broken homes and may be eager for attention and affection. Sexually abused children may not display outward behaviors that are worrisome to families, and if they do, their behaviors are nonspecific. They may appear withdrawn or depressed, or angry or irritable. Their school performance may suddenly and unexpectedly deteriorate, or they may become early adopters of drugs, alcohol or sex.

Parents need to know that most child sexual abuse is discovered because a child finally discloses his or her abuse to someone, which underscores the importance of communication, and brings me to talking about sex with young children.

Educating children about privacy, safety and sex starts in early childhood, and is a process, not a talk. So while you are busy teaching your toddlers their body parts, don't forget to name the genitals. Providing a name for them teaches children that their genitals, while private, are not so private that you can't talk about them.

Parents of young children should also teach them about the privacy of body parts, and that no one has the right to touch their bodies if they don't want that to happen. Children should also learn to respect the privacy rights of others. Parents should teach children early and often that there are no secrets between parents and children.

Children need to feel safe sharing all information, good or bad, sad or funny, easy or difficult. As children age, create an environment that allows for open discussion and welcomes questions. Use news items, like the Sandusky trial, to start discussions of safety and to reiterate the message that children should always tell a trusted adult if someone is taking advantage of them sexually.

If a child discloses abuse, listen carefully, support his or her decision to share. Let children know that the abuse was not their fault, and seek help. That help can come from a call to law enforcement, the local child welfare agency or a child's physician. Know that the discovery of sexual abuse will be a family crisis, and that all affected family members will benefit from counseling and support. Remember that as parents, our best weapons against pedophiles and sexual predators are knowledge and communication. So don't think twice about that sex talk with your toddler.

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The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Cindy W. Cristian.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/06/20/opinion/cristian-sandusky-sexual-abuse/index.html