When I was looking up definitions of trust, I liked the following two best. I got them from the website http://www.merriam-webster.com: (1) : a charge or duty imposed in faith or confidence or as a condition of some relationship (2) : something committed or entrusted to one to be used or cared for in the interest of another.
My experience with trust was when I was young I would blindly trust people. I would share things with people that were personal, yet I didn't know them very well. I had to learn throughout my life who it is safe to share information with. I had to learn that sharing some information was going to traumatize people and that I needed to know them well before, I disclosed anything traumatic. This led to me not sharing things at all. I have always struggled with extremes throughout my life. Balancing these extremes has led me to having a more balanced life. This has not always been easy and at times brought me great anguish and at times has brought great anguish to those I love.
My blindly trusting people came from my wanting to have someone love me. When I was growing up I didn't feel loved at home, due to the abuse and neglect. I tended to trust women way more than men. I always felt that men had an hidden agenda and most of the time this was true. From the time I was little I enjoyed being the teacher's pet at school. I would stay after and erase the boards, I would throw out the trash and I would help them clean up the classroom. Then I would come in early the next day and make the lines on the board so the teacher could teach us cursive and then I would sharpen pencils. School brought me great comfort. I hated returning home because home felt foreign and unkind. I loved getting up in the morning and heading off to school.
As an adult I came to learn that teacher's and the whole school system where I grew up, knew of the abuse and neglect. Spending extra time with me was their way to provide support to me. This was in the late 60's early 70's when there were no child abuse laws. These teacher's taught me how to trust them. I didn't dare share anything that was going on at home because I feared I would be more abused if I did. I also didn't want the teacher's to feel differently about me I just wanted to have the time with them where I felt safe. Their giving me this safety was very helpful to my development. It taught me that even if I couldn't trust my home life there were people in my life that I was able to trust. These people really seemed to like spending time with me. It was nice to have someone saying kind words to me. I didn't hear kind words often at home growing up. Most of the kind words I heard came from outside the home where I lived.
I am very lucky that I did have people in my life that were looking out for me. I had neighbors who helped all of the time. I had three aunts in particular that helped as well. I never spent a whole summer home until I was thirteen or fourteen. These aunts would each take turns having me over their houses for most of the summer. It has been important for me to remember that while I was experiencing these traumas there were people who were doing things to help. I didn't talk to my aunts about what was going on at home because I knew they knew or at least knew some of what was going on.
Tomorrow I will spend more time discussing how trust has helped me to grow as a person. Have a great day, Rosie
My experience with trust was when I was young I would blindly trust people. I would share things with people that were personal, yet I didn't know them very well. I had to learn throughout my life who it is safe to share information with. I had to learn that sharing some information was going to traumatize people and that I needed to know them well before, I disclosed anything traumatic. This led to me not sharing things at all. I have always struggled with extremes throughout my life. Balancing these extremes has led me to having a more balanced life. This has not always been easy and at times brought me great anguish and at times has brought great anguish to those I love.
My blindly trusting people came from my wanting to have someone love me. When I was growing up I didn't feel loved at home, due to the abuse and neglect. I tended to trust women way more than men. I always felt that men had an hidden agenda and most of the time this was true. From the time I was little I enjoyed being the teacher's pet at school. I would stay after and erase the boards, I would throw out the trash and I would help them clean up the classroom. Then I would come in early the next day and make the lines on the board so the teacher could teach us cursive and then I would sharpen pencils. School brought me great comfort. I hated returning home because home felt foreign and unkind. I loved getting up in the morning and heading off to school.
As an adult I came to learn that teacher's and the whole school system where I grew up, knew of the abuse and neglect. Spending extra time with me was their way to provide support to me. This was in the late 60's early 70's when there were no child abuse laws. These teacher's taught me how to trust them. I didn't dare share anything that was going on at home because I feared I would be more abused if I did. I also didn't want the teacher's to feel differently about me I just wanted to have the time with them where I felt safe. Their giving me this safety was very helpful to my development. It taught me that even if I couldn't trust my home life there were people in my life that I was able to trust. These people really seemed to like spending time with me. It was nice to have someone saying kind words to me. I didn't hear kind words often at home growing up. Most of the kind words I heard came from outside the home where I lived.
I am very lucky that I did have people in my life that were looking out for me. I had neighbors who helped all of the time. I had three aunts in particular that helped as well. I never spent a whole summer home until I was thirteen or fourteen. These aunts would each take turns having me over their houses for most of the summer. It has been important for me to remember that while I was experiencing these traumas there were people who were doing things to help. I didn't talk to my aunts about what was going on at home because I knew they knew or at least knew some of what was going on.
Tomorrow I will spend more time discussing how trust has helped me to grow as a person. Have a great day, Rosie
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