GOING BACK TO THE BEGINNING

I am very fortunate that my blog is getting so much traffic. That makes me happy because it means that people are getting the chance to learn how many pedophiles and sexual offenders are out there.  It saddens me that there are several stories per day of children who were sexually abused. It also saddens me that there are multiple stories a day of children getting neglected, being physically and emotionally abused. It is an epidemic in our world.

I thought I would go back to the beginning for tonight. There are those that don't know what the original intention of this blog was. I am a survivor of ritual abuse. There are those who don't believe that this exists, they believe that it was "debunked" in the 90's and 20's. There is a agency called the false memory syndrome foundation who played an enormous role in this "debunking." You may wonder why I wouldn't have known that 20 years ago when this agency was founded. I was a young mother who had just gotten out of a domestic violent marriage and dealing was with the reality of the ritual abuse. It took me over 10 years to get the courage to end the marriage. I am Christian and it took me a while to reconcile that it was okay to get divorced. I made the decision to go back to college. I had gone right out of high school but quit to marry my children's father. When the height of the "ritual abuse" "debunking" was occurring I was getting my life together.

I have always known that I was sexually, emotionally, and physically abused. My biological mother Ruth (I refuse to call her my mother she doesn't deserve the title) was very mentally ill. She was diagnosed with D.I.D. (dissociative identity disorder) when she was in her 60's. When I think back on my childhood I can remember the different personalities. She definitely had a very angry personality and a very loving personality. Unfortunately the angry one was out way more than the loving one. I was born in 1961. Before I was born Ruth started attending a new age prayer group with my aunt A. This was how the "cult" obtained new members. At first it started out with the crystals, it lead to learning how to put spells on people. Ruth did tarot cards, the Ouija board, lit candles to put spells on people. She had this weird spell where she would put someone's name on a piece of paper, put it in the ice cube tray and somehow this put a spell on people.

I realized while doing my under graduate degree in social work that Ruth was very abused as a child. I came to realize that she joined this "cult" as a way to gain control in her life. She was a powerless child when her father and brother's were sexually abusing her. Her mother Elizabeth was a very cold distant woman who blamed her daughters for being the one's that initiated sex with their brothers. Ruth married my father Jack when they were both 19 years old. Both had been sexually abused and my father was physically abused as well. To say they should have never married, nor have children is an understatement. I do believe they loved each other, but it turned into a destructive love.

Ruth physically abused Jack. When doing my undergrad degree I had to do a genogram back 4 generations. I traced incest, sexual and emotional abuse and domestic violence back 4 generations on Ruth's side. I traced alcoholism, incest and child abuse and domestic violence back 2 generations on Jacks side. When I shared with Jack I was doing the genogram and that Ruth was a domestic violent perpetrator and that he was abused by her. At first Jack told me he wasn't. The more he thought about it he came to realize he was abused by her. When I married T my children's father I married Ruth.

All I knew with Ruth was she was unpredictable in her moods and that she would abuse me daily. This is not to say that she never taught me anything valuable or that I didn't experience her being nice because I did. That was very confusing as a child. The only times I wasn't abused was when I was with my aunts G, A & B in the summers. I don't say this to gain sympathy I say it to help the reader gain knowledge as to why this blog has become about pedophiles and the damage they do to children. Ruth was a female pedophile. While I knew I survived incest from Ruth, her father G, and my brother G, I had never come to terms with the reality that my incest was committed by pedophiles. There isn't enough known about how many incest survivors were abused by pedophiles.

The "cult" practiced pedophilia. It was part of some of their "rituals." I survived much sexual abuse from members of this "cult." I can see where Ruth was drawn to this because it made her feel okay about her behavior. I remember Ruth "grooming" my brother and I as a 4 or 5 year old. She would guide us how to touch each other. She would also give us "massages." When I was 8 years old I stopped this. I told Ruth that I didn't feel comfortable with her "massages" and that I wasn't participating in them any more. After that I suffered the severest abuse. It didn't become brutal abuse until after I stopped this. How I was able to stop this is grace from God. I have often thought how would an 8 year old know this was wrong. Especially when it was all the 8 year old had known all of her 8 years. How I survived this abuse was also by the grace of God.

This "cult" practiced satanism. I have had satanists who have tried to convince me that a "true" satanist wouldn't do anything to hurt a child. I am not a satanist so I wouldn't know, but I do know (and don't care who doesn't believe me) that these satanists did harm children. They made children do terrible things. Things that amaze me these children survived and are alive to remember it. This "cult" used programming. What I mean by programming is that they taught me through programming that; if I remembered their abuse I would die, that if I remembered their abuse they would know and if I remembered their abuse they would kill me. This programming usually consisted of  being submerged in water. I can remember being dunked and I wouldn't be able to catch my breath and dunk again. I was terrified of water for most of my childhood.

Ruth reinforced many of the techniques of the "cult" to keep me from remembering, at home. She did this through; forcing my head into the toilet bowl and flushing it, chasing me with knifes, assaulting me physically and verbally and threatening to purchase snakes. I was terrified of snakes (they were used in some of the ceremonies) and I had a panic attack any time I had to use a knife up until the age of 30. She also put hexes on me. I experienced what is called a "haunting."  I have never discussed this on the blog before. It is very intense and I will share this at a later time. It will take a couple of posts to cover what a haunting is. This haunting was accomplished with the help of the "cult" and Ruth's being into all of her dark magic. She would proudly describe herself as a witch. She was very proud of this.

I had been told for the past 20 years that I needed to write my story. Last January I finally started to write my memoir and finished in October of last year. Then I started doing research and found out about the "debunking" of both ritual and child sexual abuse. I learned that the FMSwordF played a large role in this "debunking." Then I leaned through my research, that some of the original people who helped get the FMSwordF off of the ground were pedophiles. FMSwordF protected pedophile predators. They used a lot of bully techniques. They harmed a lot of people by claiming that children who were sexually abused didn't suffer any long term damage or experience dissociation. This really pissed me off. I still don't know how they were allowed to do this.

Then I found evidence of the normalization of pedophilia. I about had a cow. There are people who have an agenda to make pedophilia acceptable, not only in the US but in the world. That is when the blog changed from me just writing my story to helping get the word on on pedophilia. The destruction that pedophiles cause is immense. Pedophilia doesn't know a gender or a socioeconomic level. I just wanted readers to know there is a method to my madness. If I help one child I have accomplished much. Thanks for reading, Rosie